Sirius Black

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So far, I've discovered the following things will make the telly remote not work:

Dunking in a milk glass.
Carrying it into the next room and hiding it in the closet.
Cheese Doodle where the battery goes.
Dunking in a juice glass.
Burying it in the snow.
Pulling off the buttons and putting a bandaid over them.
Dunking it in ice cream.
Accidentally stepping on it.

On the plus side, I know just how to order in a replacement now. And the bloke at the counter who takes the order is fit.

( Private to James, Lily, & Remus )

There's commercials on the telly every three seconds for the boat movie. Everyone knows what bloody happens, they're only going to see it because they want to shag one of the leads.

One benefit to getting a ready-made little brat instead of the slow-bake kind is that you miss the year where they like the boxes better than the gifts. So you can just buy them toys and they'll be excited about it. My house looks like a toy shop exploded, and I proved that you CAN buy love, I think.

( Private to James & Remus )

( Private to Moony )

( Private to James, Lily, and Remus )

( Private to James & Lily )

( Private to Remus )

( Private to the Order )

It's fucking impossible to get any parts shipped on time around the holidays.

( Private to the Order )

( Private to Regulus )

What do kids bloody eat? Everything I hand him he doesn't want. And he barely says anything but "no" comes up a lot. Harry, you were never this sodding stubborn.

He likes the bikes though, so there's a point for him. I've no bloody idea what I'm doing.

( Private to James )

( Private to Remus )

Fuck me forever.

( Private to Prongs, hastily done, Remus, Lily, and Regulus can also read. )

Yeah, centaurs, werewolves, and Dark Twats are colluding to take over the moon cycles. That makes bloody sense. I'll give it points though - Quibbler is still more entertaining than the Prophet. Even WITH that rubbish it's probably more accurate too, since the Prophet has Skeeter.

For three weeks now, the shop has been out of my brand of fags, and today when I was leaving, I saw a hag with four packs. FOUR. So why isn't anyone doing a story on the hag conspiracy to control the death stick market? When you all have to buy Hag Brand smokes at mark up, you remember I tried to break the story, yeah? If I die, I was silenced by the roving Hag Gangs.

Of course it might not have been a Hag. Maybe it was Snape. It's hard to tell the difference. Smoking these days, Snivellus?

( Private to James, Remus, Harry, Lily, & Regulus )

( Private to James )

I need a new project, I can't be buggered to fix up the ones lying about the garage.

( Private to Regulus )

( Private to Remus and James )

( Private to Regulus )

( Private to James & Lily )

I actually went into the shop for a while, and remembered we haven't had any signings in a bit. So any of you pro players want to sit for a signing? We'll put out for security and pay your appearance fee, and you can sign things for all the little kiddies before thy run off to school.

Griffiths? You can sign Puddlemere merch for the first time.

( Private to James, Remus, and Lily )

( Private to Andromeda & Dora )

( Private to the Order )

( Private to Harry )

To whatever daft bird is sending me owls - a half dozen doesn't help when you just say you want to see me, but don't say who you are. I'm not running to suss it out, since you sound like a nutter.

( Private to James & Remus )

( Private to Andromeda & Dora )

( Private to Gretchen )

So I think I owe someone a driving lesson this week. Unless something goes wrong before then, how's Wednesday strike you, Isobel?

( Private to Harry )

Just when you start to despair for future generations, one of them up and sends you a cupcake. Which came in handy when I had nothing to at in the house that wasn't spoiled or from a bottle. So thanks, Isobel, I think it was?

( Private to Andromeda )

( Private to Prongs & Moony )

( Private to Remus, James )

Apparently there's a sale at the shop? Do we have any new stock in, Remus? I could be buggered to come in if so. I'll even get you lunch. And we can take a stroll around the Ministry. Just in case.

( Er – well, let’s see. There’s Wilberforce. . . Bathsheba. . . Elvendork. . . Oh, OUR names, did you mean? You should’ve said! This here is James Potter, and I’m Sirius Black! )